Emotional intelligence series

By Lilian Mann

Week 5: Social skills – building relationships that help, not hurt

Also read: Speech by student representative council leader

Last week, empathy was examined: understanding others without losing yourself. You learned to listen first, judge later, and set boundaries with kindness.

This week, we turn to social skills – the ability to connect, communicate, and build relationships that support your growth.

What are social skills?

Social skills are the tools you use to relate with people well. They’re not about “being popular”. They’re about respect, communication, and cooperation.  

Experts break them into 3 parts:  

1. Verbal skills: What you say – tone, clarity, respect  
2. Non-verbal skills: Body language, eye contact, facial expression  
3. Conflict skills: How you handle disagreement without burning bridges  

A student with social skills can say “no” without making an enemy and can ask for help without sounding desperate.

Why social skills matter for Nigerian teenagers

With WAEC, NECO, JAMB, group projects, and school clubs, your future depends on people. Grades open doors, but relationships keep them open.  

Counsellors warn that without social skills, students often:  

1. Struggle in group work because they can’t delegate or listen  
2. Miss opportunities – scholarships, mentorship, leadership – because they can’t approach adults respectfully  
3. Gain a bad reputation: “proud”, “rude”, or “trouble maker” even when they’re smart  

Social skills, however, open doors. They help you get good teammates, win teachers’ trust, and build a network before you even leave school.

Case study: Tunde’s turnaround

Tunde, an SS2 student in Lagos, was the smartest in his class but always worked alone. Teachers called him “brilliant but difficult”. When his school picked students for a STEM competition, he was left out. “He doesn’t work with others,” they said.  

Tunde learnt one social skill: Ask + Appreciate. He started greeting teachers daily, asking one good question in class, and thanking teammates after group work. He didn’t become noisy or fake. He just became respectful and approachable.  

3 months later, those same teachers recommended him for a scholarship interview. He won it. His story shows brains get you noticed, but social skills get you chosen.

Practical steps for students this week

Psychologists recommend these daily practices:

1. Master the 3-Second Greeting  

Look up, smile, and use their name: “Good morning, Miss Ada.” People remember how you make them feel in 3 seconds.

2. Learn “Respectful Disagreement”

Instead of “That’s stupid”, say “I see it differently. What if we try…? You keep your view without insulting theirs.

3. Ask for Help the Right Way

Bad: Teach me now! Good: “Sir, I tried this math problem but got stuck at step 3. Can you show me where I went wrong? Specific + respectful = help.

4. Be a Good Teammate, Not Just a Star Player

In group work: share tasks, meet deadlines, give credit. One reliable person is worth 5 geniuses who don’t cooperate.

5. Read the Room

If your teacher is rushing to class, don’t start a long story. If your friend is stressed about JAMB, don’t crack jokes about failure. Timing is a social skill.

Benefits of social skills

Students who practise them often report the following:  

– More group work invitations and leadership roles  

– Teachers willing to write recommendation letters  

– Less loneliness and drama in school  

– Better chances in interviews, scholarships, and future jobs  

Quick Assessment

1. Which action shows good social skills?  
2. a) Correcting a teacher rudely in front of class  
3. b) Waiting after class and saying, ‘Sir, I didn’t understand the point’ 2. Can you explain?
4. c) Ignoring group members and submitting the work alone  

Answer: b

2. What changed Tunde’s situation most?  
3. a) He became noisier in class  
4. b) He learned to greet, ask, and appreciate people  
5. c) He scored 100% in every test  

Answer: b

3. True or False: Social skills mean you must agree with everyone to be liked.  

Answer: False. Social skills mean you communicate respectfully, even when you disagree.

4. Reflection for Readers:

Write one sentence: One social skill I will practise this week is because.

Conclusion

You don’t have to be the loudest to be respected. Social skills are respect + communication + teamwork.  

Teenagers are advised: Greet well, disagree well, and work well with others. When you build people, people will build you.

Next Week: Decision Making – Choosing Wisely Under Pressure