“Tony” or “Sir”? Are we too bold or just disrespectful? The Gen Z conversation about respect, confidence

By Oladele Taiwo, Educator, Lagooz Schools

“Good morning, Tony.”

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Sounds harmless, right?

Well, that simple greeting recently sparked a much bigger conversation online.

During a UBA Graduate Management Accelerated Programme graduation ceremony, a young graduate addressed businessman Tony Elumelu by his first name. Elumelu corrected her and asked her to address him as “Mr Elumelu” or “TOE”. The brief exchange quickly made its way across social media, with people debating an interesting question: Was she simply being confident and modern, or had she crossed a line when it came to respect?

But maybe the bigger question is this: Does the way we address people really matter?

Spoiler alert: Yes. But probably not in the way you think.

Why “Tony” feels normal to many young people

Let’s be real.

For many young people, the old-fashioned distance between “important people” and everyone else has disappeared. You can comment on a celebrity’s Instagram post, watch a billionaire speak directly to young people online or send a DM to a popular creator. Social media has made people who once seemed untouchable feel surprisingly familiar.

At the same time, young people are constantly being told to use their voices.

Speak up.

Ask questions.

Share your ideas.

Don’t be intimidated by titles.

And that’s not a bad thing.

In many modern workplaces, colleagues call one another by their first names, regardless of age or position. So, for some young people, saying “Tony” instead of “Mr Elumelu” may not automatically feel disrespectful. It may simply be the communication style they are used to.

But here’s where things get interesting.

Why “Sir” and “Ma” still matter

In many Nigerian homes, schools and communities, the words “Sir” and “Ma” carry a lot of meaning.

They can show courtesy, respect and an understanding of social boundaries. And no, using “Sir” does not mean you are scared of someone.

Sometimes, it simply means you know where you are and how to behave there.

Think about it.

You probably don’t speak to your best friend the same way you speak to your principal. You might joke freely with your siblings but choose your words carefully when speaking to a teacher.

Does that make you fake?

No.

It means you understand context.

So, is using first names wrong?

Not necessarily.

And here’s an important point: using a title doesn’t automatically make someone respectful either.

You can say “Good morning, Sir” and still be rude in your tone or behaviour. You can call someone by their first name and genuinely have no intention of disrespecting them.

Respect is bigger than a title. It shows in your tone, your attitude, your actions and your willingness to listen. That’s why context matters.

In the Elumelu incident, the young graduate accepted his correction, addressed him as “Mr Elumelu” and continued with her question.

Rather than turning the moment into a simple “Who was rude?” debate, maybe we can learn something more useful from it:

Learn to read the room.

Confidence + respect = the sweet spot

Being confident is a good thing.

Teenagers should ask questions. They should express their opinions. They should challenge ideas respectfully and participate in conversations with people older or more experienced than them.

But confidence is not the same as doing whatever you want.

Before you speak, take two seconds and think:

Who am I talking to?

Where am I?

What kind of setting is this?

How does this person prefer to be addressed?

Those little questions can save you from a very unnecessary awkward moment.

For example:

With your friend:

“Hey, what’s up?”

With your teacher:

“Good morning, Sir.”

With a guest speaker:

“Good afternoon, Mr Elumelu.”

With someone who says, “Just call me Tony”:

“Good afternoon, Tony.”

See? You haven’t lost your personality. You’ve simply adjusted to the situation. And honestly, that’s a life skill.

The 3S rule

Here’s an easy one to remember:

1. Speak with confidence: Don’t be afraid to ask questions, share your ideas or express yourself.
2. Show respect: Being confident doesn’t require you to disrespect someone else.
3. Study the situation: Pay attention to the person, the environment and the expectations of the setting. That’s maturity.

What should teenagers take from this?

The real lesson may not be about choosing between “Tony” and “Sir”. It’s about knowing when to be casual and when to be formal. As you grow older, you’ll meet different people with different backgrounds, cultures, personalities and expectations. Some will happily say, “Just call me by my first name.” Others will prefer a title. You need to know how to navigate both.

l You can be bold without being disrespectful.

l You can be confident without being careless.

l You can speak your mind without forgetting your manners.

l And yes, you can still be very much Gen Z while knowing when to say “Sir” or “Ma”.

Final thought

The internet can make everyone feel like they are just one message, comment or DM away. Real life, however, still has context.

Sometimes your confidence will open a door. Sometimes your manners will determine what happens after you walk through it.

So, before you speak, read the room.

Be bold.

Be brilliant.

And above all, know how to carry yourself.