By Ayeni Favour
I still remember the day someone scornfully called me senior man in the presence of everyone. At first, I was taken aback—not just because of the title, but because of the assumption that came with it. Because of my physique, people often see me as a strong, stoic, and unflappable individual, but what they don’t know is that there is a sensitive soul behind that mask.
Growing up, I have learnt to put on a brave face, to hide my emotions and vulnerabilities. But the truth is I’m deeply an emotional person. I feel things intensely, and I’m often overwhelmed by own emotions. This title “senior man” they made me wear, became a misconception which painted me as being less emotional, less sensitive and less feminine.
People’s expectations can be suffocating. They expect me to be the leader, the problem solver, the one who never falters. But sometimes, I just want to be vulnerable too, and maybe honest about how I feel. It has taken me a while to now realise that I don’t have to conform to people’s expectations, I don’t have to be the “senior man” all the time. I can be vulnerable, sensitive, and I am feminine regardless of my perceived masculine strength or appearance.
The moment I decided to stop hiding behind the mask of strength was a moment I began to truly live. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, freeing me from the shackles of expectations and the burden of perceptions.
For the first time I began to see my flaws and imperfections as a natural part of who I am, I realised that I didn’t have to be perfect, that it was okay to make mistakes and learn from them. This new-found-me self-acceptance gave me the courage to take risks, and to pursue my passions without fear or rejection.
I no longer felt the need to seek validation from others, to prove myself worth of love and acceptance. I knew that I was enough, just as I was. This freedom from the need for validation was incredibly liberating, allowing me to focus on my own growth and development rather than trying to meet the expectations of others.
Today, I’m learning to embrace my true self that’s both strong and sensitive, both bold and vulnerable. I’m learning to let go of the need to conform to societal expectations and to simply be me. And as I do so, I’m discovering that I’m now more confident, more authentic, and more at peace with myself, and I’m living a life, that is true to who I am. I am no longer held back by the fear of what others might think, and I am free to pursue my dreams and desires. This is the freedom of self-acceptance, and it is a gift that I cherish every day.
Looking back, I realise that the façade I wore for so long was both a coping mechanism and a prison. It protected me from getting hurt, but it also prevented me from being truly seen and understood. I’ve learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to be emotional, and to be myself—without apology.
If you are struggling to find self-acceptance, I want you to know that you are not alone. It’s okay to be emotional. This is not weakness, but rather your unique strengths that make you who you are. Don’t be afraid to let your true self shine, and don’t let the expectations of others hold you back from living an authentic life. You are enough, just as you are.
Favour is of Shining Star Group of Schools, Kubwa-Abuja
